Wonderful Lonesome Read online

  Nothing required him to accept the offer the Maxwells might make. He was inclined to, though, unless the number they offered was grossly insulting. He could always list the property with an agent on short notice. He would not have to be present for the agent to show the land or close a deal. The animals were another question. If he sold them now, they would be worth more than they would be a few weeks later when they had chewed the pasture’s scrabble down to the dust and he had nothing more to feed them and could not keep up with a growing bill at the feed store.

  Rudy shook hands with the Maxwells, agreed to wait to hear from them, and watched as they mounted their horses and turned toward the road leading off his land. He had intended to retreat to one of the fields until he was sure Abbie was gone, but he spun around now at the clack of her cart behind him.

  “Hello, Rudy,” Abbie said. She scrutinized him and then peered down the lane at the dust the two English stirred up in their departure.

  “Hello, Abbie. Any problems up at the house?”

  She shook her head. “I hope you will be pleased with my work.”

  “You never disappoint.”

  Abbie searched his eyes. Rudy was not so foolish as to think she had not seen the English on his land. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen English visitors on your farm before.”

  “It’s the first time.”

  Indignation welled. Why would Rudy be talking to English on his own land if it were not about a sale? “What’s going on, Rudy?”

  “We had some business to discuss. That is all.”

  “Business? What are you getting ready to sell to them?”

  “I have come to feel that I do not need eight cows.”

  “Are you giving up on the dairy?”

  Rudy waited a second too long to answer.

  “Rudy, you cannot live out here by yourself without a cow. Have yours all dried up?”

  “No, that’s not the problem.”

  Abbie slipped off the cart’s bench and paced toward Rudy. “You are not still thinking of leaving, are you?”

  When his response was again delayed, Abbie’s stomach tightened.

  “I bought a voucher for a train ticket,” Rudy said finally. “It does not have a date on it yet, but I wanted to buy one while I could still scrape together the cash to pay for it.”

  “Oh, Rudy. No. Please, no.”

  “Why not, Abbie? My wheat looks more pitiful by the day, even though I planted half what I put in last year because I cannot afford to irrigate my acres no matter how much milk I sell. I’m sure your daed knows how expensive it is to truck in water.”

  “But you belong here.” Abbie dug her heels into the dirt. “We all do. We are here together.”

  “And we are stretched thin. Even you cannot dispute that.”

  “It will not always be this way.”

  Rudy turned in a full circle, gesturing to the flat dustiness of his land with upturned palms. “It might be.”

  “You have so much to look forward to here, Rudy. You have a future here.” Abbie slapped a hand in Rudy’s still outstretched hand.

  He looked her straight in the eye. “Do I?”

  “Of course you do.”

  “I mean apart from the land, Abbie.” He closed his fingers around hers.

  She shrugged, not understanding his meaning.

  “Has Willem declared himself to you, Abigail?”

  Abbie withdrew her hand and stepped back. “Not in so many words, no.”

  “But you feel certain that he will?”

  “Nothing is certain except God’s will.”

  “What if Willem does not meet your hopes, Abbie?”

  Abbie broke her gaze.

  As Abbie cut through the back road that tied Rudy’s farm with her family’s land, the rain started with little warning other than the darkening clouds that blew across the plain on most summer afternoons without dispersing their moisture.

  In her cart, halfway back to the Weaver farm, Abbie laughed out loud. She did not care that she had no covering, nor how drenched she might become. Rain! All around the region, farm families would be pausing in their work and looking up in exultation. Abbie turned her face to the sky, closed her eyes, and stuck out her tongue. She had not done that she since was a little girl in Ohio, but it seemed the only appropriate response now. The rain gathered in a thunderous drumbeat, and Abbie hastened the horse. In relief, she realized her dress already was damp enough that it was sticking to her skin.

  Rain!

  Abruptly the sound changed to a clatter of stones pouring from the heavens. Pea-size at first, then larger. The icy rock that struck her nose made Abbie’s breath catch. The horse’s feet danced while Abbie’s chest heaved in protest. Not hail. Please, God. Not hail.

  The nearest farm was Ruthanna and Eber’s. They kept a hay shed near the road, but it stood empty now. By the time Abbie reached the shed, unhooked the mare from the cart, and dragged the horse under the shed’s narrow overhang, tears streamed down her face. Abbie tied the horse tightly so it could not stray, then took refuge in the empty shelter.

  She looked out at Ruthanna and Eber’s tender crop and knew it could not survive this vicious pelting. No one’s crop could.

  The force that had destroyed the hope of harvest last summer once again rent in two the yearning of Abbie’s heart.

  Ruthanna yanked open the door and stood in its frame screaming regret.

  “Eber!”

  Ruthanna had bitten her tongue two hours ago when Eber said he wanted to walk the fence line. He did not want to take the chance that a neighbor’s hungry cow would nudge a loose post out of its earthy pocket in search of a scrabbly patch of grass to nibble on. If he had any grass, Eber would gladly share it with a cow. What he feared was that the animal would start in on his tenuous field of barley just as it showed signs of taking root. Eber had not regained his full strength. That was plain as day. But she could not hold him back from doing the only thing he could think to do as an obstinate summer yawned before them.

  “Eber!”

  Ruthanna’s mind told her it was pointless to shriek into the wind, but she could not help it. The clanging smash of hail dumping from the sky against the tin roof drowned the sound of her voice even from her own ears. Eber had declined to take a horse with him, and he had been gone long enough that he could be anywhere on their acreage. When Ruthanna stepped out far enough to scan the horizon around the house—just to be sure Eber was not near—hail stung her cheeks. White icy mounds swelled around her as ever-larger hail pelted the finer base layer.

  With one hand on her rounded abdomen, Ruthanna shielded her eyes with the other and peered through the onslaught of white. Eber’s white shirt would be lost against the hail. His black trousers would be her only hope of glimpsing him. Methodically, she scanned the view from left to right for any movement. Chickens in the yard scurried into the henhouse, but Ruthanna expected at least one or two would not survive the storm. Horses whinnied on the wind in their pasture. Ruthanna offered a quick prayer of thanks that their two cows were safely in the barn at the moment.

  But she did not see Eber.

  Within minutes, the hail was five inches deep. Ruthanna stepped back into the shelter of the doorframe, watching this mystery of spring. Only a few weeks ago five inches of snow would have been cause for rejoicing. Precious moisture would have melted into the ground and prepared the soil to welcome seed meticulously buried at precise depth and intervals. Even if hail had come before the seeds sprouted, the crop might have survived. But this! This was only terror.

  Her father would have reminded her Gottes wille. God’s will. Could it really be God’s will for twelve obedient Amish families to suffer this racking devastation?

  And then it was over. The sky had emptied and stilled. Drenched, Eber limped from around the back side of the barn.

  Willem shoved open the barn door and hurtled toward the horse stalls. The stallion bared his teeth and raised his front legs in protest against the commoti
on. Willem slushed hail in on his boots. Frozen white masses in various sizes melted into the straw that lined the barn floor. Willem’s tongue clucked the sequence of sounds that he had long ago learned would calm the frightened horse. He would not enter the stallion’s stall until he was sure the animal had settled, but Willem spoke soothing words and familiar sounds. In the stall next to the stallion, the more mild-tempered mare hung her head over the half door hopefully, making Willem wish he had a carrot to reward her demeanor.

  On the other side of the barn were the empty cow stalls. Intent on farming, not husbandry, Willem only had one cow. The hail’s beating had been brief but swift, and Willem could not predict how the cow would have responded. He hoped it had not tried to bolt through Eber’s fences.

  Bareheaded, Willem stood in the center aisle that cut through the barn and stroked the mare’s long face. Only two drops plopped on the top of his head before he raised his eyes and saw daylight through the barn’s roof. Dropping his gaze, he saw that his feet stood in a mass of freshly damp hay. Hail had beaten its way through two wooden slats only loosely thatched over. Willem had hoped for proper shingles this year, but that required cash.

  He put a hand across his eyes and bowed his head. Any of his fellow Amish worshippers might have thought he was praying, but Willem knew the truth. The thoughts ripping through his mind at that moment were far from submissive devotion to God’s will. He forced himself to take several deep breaths before moving his hand from his eyes and again surveying the damage to his barn and the distress of his stallion. He could only imagine what his fields must look like.

  Months of praying for favorable weather. Weeks of coaxing seeds to sprout in undernourished soil. Evening upon evening spent bent over the papers on his rustic wooden table writing out calculations and scenarios essential to the survival of his farm.

  A hail storm was not part of the equation.

  Willem pushed breath out and said aloud, “We will be all right.”

  The stallion shuffled but no longer protested.

  The mare gave up looking for a treat in Willem’s hand and nuzzled the straw in her stall.

  Willem turned on one heel and left the barn. Outside the sun once again shone brilliant, as if the last twenty minutes had been a bad dream. Willem marched out to the pasture in search of his cow.

  Abbie’s heart rate slowed—finally.

  The clattering of hail stopped as suddenly as it had begun. Cautious, Abbie pushed open the shed door. The extra resistance of several inches of hail required her to put her shoulder into the effort. Outside, fields of white glinted and forced her to squint. Abbie grabbed fistfuls of skirt and raised her hem above the slosh as she moved to where she had tied the horse. The animal was reasonably dry and unperturbed, Abbie was glad to see. As she hooked the cart to the horse again, she inspected her immediate surroundings. The size of the hail and its sheer quantity in the last few minutes twisted a lump in her stomach. In the distance she could see Ruthanna and Eber’s house and wanted to see for herself that they were safe before continuing her journey home. The path was difficult to discern at first, covered by hail, but Abbie found signs of the familiar entry and guided the horse. Under the animal’s feet and the cart’s wheels, each sound of crunching hail reverberated through Abbie’s mind with the implications of the storm.

  A few minutes later, Abbie pulled up in front of the house. She saw boot prints leading from the barn to her friends’ home, where the front door stood open and she could see clear through the structure. On the cooking side of the cabin, Eber sat in a straight-backed wooden chair with his boots off and his shoulders slumped, suspenders down around his waist. Behind him, Ruthanna worked at toweling his head dry. Abbie paused long enough at the door to knock and announce her presence. With a gasp, Ruthanna abandoned the towel and crossed the sparse sitting area to embrace Abbie.

  “You’re all right?” Squeezing her friend, Abbie felt the growing babe between them.

  Ruthanna sniffled. “What does all right mean? Physically we are unharmed, but Eber…”

  Abbie glanced across the room. “Eber, did you get caught out in the storm?”

  Eber responded by putting his elbow on the table and hanging his head in his open palm.

  Abbie tried again. “I hope you don’t mind. I took shelter in your empty hay shed. You’ll be glad to know it seems quite watertight.”

  Eber stood, pulled his suspenders over his shoulders, and retreated into the bedroom.

  Ruthanna turned to Abbie. “What will we do now?”

  “You’re not alone. We have the church. We are all together, whether rejoicing or suffering.”

  “I cannot imagine anyone rejoicing today.”

  “Then we will suffer together and rejoice another day when God shows us His will for the next step.”

  “Eber is tired.” Ruthanna wiped the back of her hand across her face. “In body and spirit. He is tired.”

  The bedroom door closed with a thud.

  With a promise to return the next day, Abbie said her farewell to Ruthanna. They both knew that a wife should go to her husband in a moment like this.

  By now most of the hail had melted and puddled. In some places, miniature rivulets carved a downward path. As thirsty as the ground was, it could not absorb the moisture as quickly as icy chunks transformed into liquid on a warm afternoon. At first, Abbie willed herself to keep her eyes on the road and not to turn her gaze toward the fields on either side.

  Ruthanna and Eber’s fields.

  Willem’s fields.

  Her father’s fields.

  What good would come from pausing to look at the damage so soon after the storm? After all, it was possible some shoots would have bent under pressure but might revive during the night, was it not? And Colorado hail sometimes dumped mercilessly in one area, while only three miles away the sun shone uninterrupted. The Amish farms were spread over miles and miles. She would be jumping to conclusions to presume that everyone’s farm suffered equal fate. Perhaps the damage was more like a heavy, welcome rain. Surely no one would speculate about the severity or widespread nature of the loss on the same afternoon.

  Abbie urged the horse’s trot into a canter and kept her eyes straight ahead. She made her ears focus on the rhythmic beat of hooves and the swaying creek of the cart and breathed deeply of the spring scent after a rain.

  Only once she turned down the ragged lane that led to the Weaver farm did Abbie allow herself to slow and observe. Her father stood in a field with two of her younger brothers. Abbie pulled on the reins, jumped out of the cart, and stepped delicately into the field.

  She could see immediately that she need not have bothered with such care.

  “Oh, Daed.” Her voice cracked as the lump bulged in her throat. Ananias Weaver was beyond hearing range, but Abbie fixed her eyes on him until he at last looked up and met her gaze. Slowly, he shook his head before kneeling. Whether he bent in prayer, inspection, or resignation, Abbie did not know.

  Abbie drew a knife through a loaf of bread and laid the resulting slice on the small plate her youngest brother held. Somber faced, Levi carried the plate to the table and sat down.

  “Would you like to have two slices?” Abbie poised the knife over the bread again.

  Levi shook his head. “We should be sure there’s enough for everybody.”

  “I made four loaves today. You can have more.”

  The boy declined again.

  Abbie laid the knife down. “I suppose we don’t want to ruin your appetite for supper.”

  Levi picked at his bread. At eight, he was a skinny child with a usually infinite appetite.

  “What’s wrong, Levi?”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Mamm has a bit of ham for supper, and some vegetables we canned last fall.”

  “If I tell her I’m not hungry, she won’t make me eat.”

  He was right about that. Esther Weaver did not force children to eat supper, but she did make clear that if they ch
ose not to, they would not have another opportunity until breakfast.

  “Mamm asked me to give you an afternoon snack.” Abbie dropped into a chair next to Levi. “Don’t you feel well?”

  “I feel fine.” Levi put his hands in his lap. “Why don’t you wrap this up for someone to have later? I’ll go do my barn chores.”

  Levi nearly knocked his mother over on his way out the rear door of the family’s narrow two-story house.

  “Did he eat?” Esther set a basket of washed and sun-dried shirts on the floor.

  “No. He believes we are running out of food.” Abbie caught her mother’s hand, forcing the older woman to look at her. “We aren’t, are we?”

  “The chickens still lay nicely, and the cows give milk morning and night, don’t they?” Esther snapped a shirt flat on the table and began to smooth the sleeves. “It’s all this talk about losing the summer crop. I’ve told your daed he must be more careful about who is listening.”

  “It’s never been his way to coddle children.”

  “Surely there is something in between coddling and frightening.”

  “Yes, I suppose so.” Abbie stood and returned to the butcher block to slice more bread. The family of seven would easily consume at least one loaf for supper.

  “It’s getting hotter every day,” Esther said. “We may have to start doing our baking in the middle of the night.”

  “I haven’t seen Daed in the fields since the hail.”

  Esther folded the shirt she had smoothed, wordless.

  “Mamm?”

  “He does not tell me what he is thinking.”

  “Surely he is going to put in a fall crop.”

  “Have you put the water on to boil?” Esther abandoned the laundry basket and moved toward the stove.

  “I’m going to make a quilt,” Abbie announced.

  Willem looked up from the patch of ground he was assaulting with a shovel. Sweat oozed out from under his straw hat and down the sides of his face.

  “It’s a hundred degrees out here,” he said. “Just thinking about a quilt is more than I can take.”